110+ Funny Confucius Say Jokes – Best Hilarious One-Liners 2025

Get ready for a hearty laugh with Confucius Say Jokes! These witty one-liners blend timeless wisdom with playful humor, perfect for sharing with friends or brightening your day.

Confucius said joke have been a staple of comedy for decades, turning clever wordplay into hilarious quips that mimic the style of the ancient philosopher. Whether you’re looking for clean humor, cheeky puns, or family-friendly laughs, this collection of over 110 confucius say jokes delivers something for everyone.

Dive into this fun-filled journey of clever sayings, where ancient wisdom meets modern giggles, and let the laughter flow! Enjoy the best of humor with these timeless one-liners.

Confucius Say Jokes Humor Clean

These Confucius Say Joke’s offer clean, lighthearted humor that’s perfect for all ages, blending clever wordplay with wholesome fun for a good laugh.

1. Confucius say: Man who run in front of car get tired.
2. Confucius say: Man who run behind car get exhausted.
3. Confucius say: He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
4. Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
5. Confucius say: Wise man save money, foolish man spend wife’s.
6. Confucius say: Man who forget password, locked out of future.
7. Confucius say: He who eat soup with fork, stay hungry.
8. Confucius say: Man who climb steep hill, need good brakes.
9. Confucius say: Man who wear socks with sandals, fashion rebel.
10. Confucius say: He who trust mirror, see only reflection.
11. Confucius say: Man who sing in shower, make clean performance.
12. Confucius say: Woman who lose map, find adventure.
13. Confucius say: Man who carry heavy load, get strong back.
14. Confucius say: He who talk too much, run out of listeners.
15. Confucius say: Man who buy boat, sink in debt.
16. Confucius say: Wise man know own limits, foolish man test them.
17. Confucius say: Man who eat spicy food, feel fire later.
18. Confucius say: He who walk backward, bump into past.
19. Confucius say: Man who plant tree, grow shade for others.
20. Confucius say: Woman who juggle too much, drop ball.

Redd Foxx Confucius Say Jokes

Inspired by Redd Foxx’s bold humor, these Confucius Say puns deliver cheeky, classic one-liners with a touch of his iconic comedic flair.

1. Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet, have crappy time.
2. Confucius say: Man who fart in church, sit in own pew.
3. Confucius say: Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger.
4. Confucius say: He who light the fuse of love, get big bang.
5. Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
6. Confucius say: Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways, going to Bangkok.
7. Confucius say: Woman who put husband in doghouse, soon find him in cathouse.
8. Confucius say: Man who sneeze without tissue, take matter in own hand.
9. Confucius say: Man who leap off cliff, jump to conclusion.
10. Confucius say: Man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day.
11. Confucius say: Man who fish in other man’s well, catch crabs.
12. Confucius say: He who plays with self, pulls boner.
13. Confucius say: Man who drive like lightning, crash like thunder.
14. Confucius say: Woman who wear G-string, high on crack.
15. Confucius say: Man who tell too many light bulb jokes, soon burn out.
16. Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
17. Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes, get good run for money.
18. Confucius say: He who buries man’s wife alive, not sit at dinner table.
19. Confucius say: Man who read woman like book, prefer braille.
20. Confucius say: Man who dates dynamite lady, get big bang out of her.

Confucius Say Dirty Jokes

These Confucius Jokes bring cheeky, adult-oriented humor with clever innuendos, perfect for a playful, risqué laugh among friends.

1. Confucius say: Man who stick dick in peanut butter jar, is fucking nuts.
2. Confucius say: Woman who sit on jockey’s lap, get hot tip.
3. Confucius say: Man with tool in woman’s mouth, not always dentist.
4. Confucius say: Virgin like balloon, one prick all gone.
5. Confucius say: Man who bounce woman on bed spring, have offspring next spring.
6. Confucius say: Woman who wear padded bra, make mountains out of molehills.
7. Confucius say: Man who pull on woman’s bra-strap, may get bust in mouth.
8. Confucius say: Man who put cock on stove, have hot rod.
9. Confucius say: Man who go to bed with sex on mind, wake up with solution in hand.
10. Confucius say: Woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock.
11. Confucius say: Man who play with titty, get bust in mouth.
12. Confucius say: Man with one hand in pocket, not just jingling change.
13. Confucius say: Woman who goes to man’s apartment for snack, gets tit-bit.
14. Confucius say: Man who let woman on top, is fucking up.
15. Confucius say: Man who walk with hands in pocket, feel cocky all day.
16. Confucius say: Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot, unsanitary.
17. Confucius say: Man who screw wife on bed, nail her good.
18. Confucius say: Woman who sit on judge’s lap, get honorable discharge.
19. Confucius say: Man who kiss girl’s behind, get crack in face.
20. Confucius say: Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

Funny Confucius Say Jokes

These Confucius say Joke are packed with clever wit and humor, delivering timeless laughs with a playful twist on wisdom.

1. Confucius say: Man who run through airport turnstile sideways, going to Bangkok.
2. Confucius say: He who fart in church, sit in own pew.
3. Confucius say: Man who leap off cliff, jump to conclusion.
4. Confucius say: Man who drop watch in toilet, have shitty time.
5. Confucius say: Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
6. Confucius say: Man who sneeze without tissue, take matters in own hand.
7. Confucius say: Woman who put husband in doghouse, soon find him in cathouse.
8. Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
9. Confucius say: He who laugh last, not get joke.
10. Confucius say: Man who fish in other man’s well, catch crabs.
11. Confucius say: Man who drive like lightning, crash like thunder.
12. Confucius say: Man who eat many prunes, get good run for money.
13. Confucius say: Woman who wear G-string, high on crack.
14. Confucius say: Man who tell too many light bulb jokes, soon burn out.
15. Confucius say: Man who read woman like book, prefer braille.
16. Confucius say: He who light the fuse of love, get big bang.
17. Confucius say: Man who dates dynamite lady, get big bang out of her.
18. Confucius say: Man who walk with hands in pocket, feel cocky all day.
19. Confucius say: Woman who cook beans and peas in same pot, unsanitary.
20. Confucius say: Man who buy drowned cat, pay for wet pussy.

Confucius He Say Jokes

These Confucius puns twist the classic “he say” style, delivering sharp, witty humor with a nod to timeless wisdom.

1. Confucius he say: Man who run in front of car, get tired fast.
2. Confucius he say: Man who run behind car, get exhausted quick.
3. Confucius he say: He who stand on toilet, high on pot.
4. Confucius he say: Man who laugh last, miss punchline.
5. Confucius he say: Man who forget password, locked out of future.
6. Confucius he say: He who eat soup with fork, stay hungry long.
7. Confucius he say: Man who wear socks with sandals, fashion rebel forever.
8. Confucius he say: Man who climb steep hill, need good brakes always.
9. Confucius he say: He who trust mirror, see only reflection daily.
10. Confucius he say: Man who sing in shower, make clean performance.
11. Confucius he say: Woman who lose map, find adventure always.
12. Confucius he say: Man who carry heavy load, get strong back.
13. Confucius he say: He who talk too much, lose listeners fast.
14. Confucius he say: Man who buy boat, sink in debt.
15. Confucius he say: Wise man know limits, foolish man test them.
16. Confucius he say: Man who eat spicy food, feel fire later.
17. Confucius he say: He who walk backward, bump into past.
18. Confucius he say: Man who plant tree, grow shade for others.
19. Confucius he say: Woman who juggle too much, drop ball often.
20. Confucius he say: Man who tell bad joke, get no laugh.

Confucius Say Jokes Clean

These Confucius Said Jokes are family-friendly, offering clean humor with clever wordplay that everyone can enjoy without worry.

1. Confucius say: Man who run in front of car, get tired quickly.
2. Confucius say: Man who run behind car, get exhausted soon.
3. Confucius say: He who laugh last, didn’t understand joke.
4. Confucius say: Man who stand on toilet, high on pot.
5. Confucius say: Wise man save money, foolish man spend wife’s.
6. Confucius say: Man who forget password, locked out of future.
7. Confucius say: He who eat soup with fork, stay hungry.
8. Confucius say: Man who climb steep hill, need good brakes.
9. Confucius say: Man who wear socks with sandals, fashion rebel.
10. Confucius say: He who trust mirror, see only reflection.
11. Confucius say: Man who sing in shower, make clean performance.
12. Confucius say: Woman who lose map, find adventure always.
13. Confucius say: Man who carry heavy load, get strong back.
14. Confucius say: He who talk too much, run out of listeners.
15. Confucius say: Man who buy boat, sink in debt.
16. Confucius say: Wise man know own limits, foolish man test them.
17. Confucius say: Man who eat spicy food, feel fire later.
18. Confucius say: He who walk backward, bump into past.
19. Confucius say: Man who plant tree, grow shade for others.
20. Confucius say: Woman who juggle too much, drop ball often.

Confucius Say Jokes for Kids

These Confucius Says Jokes are kid-friendly, packed with silly, clean humor that sparks laughter and fun for young audiences.

1. Confucius say: Man who run in front of bus, get tired fast.
2. Confucius say: Man who run behind bus, get out of breath.
3. Confucius say: He who laugh last, miss the funny part.
4. Confucius say: Man who stand on chair, feel tall like giant.
5. Confucius say: Kid who eat candy all day, get sticky fingers.
6. Confucius say: He who forget homework, teacher not happy.
7. Confucius say: Kid who wear cape, think he superhero.
8. Confucius say: Boy who chase butterfly, run in circles.
9. Confucius say: Girl who lose toy, find adventure instead.
10. Confucius say: Kid who sing in bath, make big splash.
11. Confucius say: He who talk too much, miss recess time.
12. Confucius say: Kid who build tall tower, need steady hands.
13. Confucius say: Boy who eat spicy chips, feel fire breath.
14. Confucius say: Girl who juggle apples, drop fruit salad.
15. Confucius say: Kid who plant seed, grow big dreams.
16. Confucius say: He who run backward, bump into wall.
17. Confucius say: Kid who share cookies, make best friends.
18. Confucius say: Boy who draw on wall, create messy art.
19. Confucius say: Girl who climb tree, see new world.
20. Confucius say: Kid who tell silly joke, get big laugh.

Conclusion

Confucius Say Jokes bring a perfect mix of wit and wisdom, making them ideal for any humor lover. From clean, family-friendly quips to cheeky adult-oriented puns, this collection of confucius joke offers something for everyone. Share these hilarious one-liners at gatherings, on social media, or with kids for a guaranteed laugh. With their timeless charm and clever wordplay, these jokes keep the spirit of fun alive. Dive into this treasure trove of humor and let confucius say joke brighten your day with laughter and lighthearted wisdom!